Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
