Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
