your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Less talking, more tequila
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
