It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
