Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
