wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
