After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
