y did u give ur computer a hand job?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
