Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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