Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
should my penis look like a turkey
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
