So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
