All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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