where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
