Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
