i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
