well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
