Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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