so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm both gender and math confused
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