my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
