Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
not ubering you a puppy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
