I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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