i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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