i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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