sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
