just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
