A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
