How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
