Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
