Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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