You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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