Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
