Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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