Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
