Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
