Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
