she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
