I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
