if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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