Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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