i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
