You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out mid-signature
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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