Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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