I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
