Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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