none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
