I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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