Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize