You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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