why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
