About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
