is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
