I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize