Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
