He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
