Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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