mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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