i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
