those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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