I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
