the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
