i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
