I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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