We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
