Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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