i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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