Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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