just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
