Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
