i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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