The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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