Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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