Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
