I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
