I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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