video games are the ultimate cock blocker
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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