whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
