He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
