I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
