I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
