Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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