i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
