just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
