and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
