That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
