it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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