Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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