I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize