so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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