Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just pee around me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
