4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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