Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You work out of a Hotel?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
